MY COMPLETELY FLAWLESS RAMSAY BOLTON FANCASTING
Let’s be honest, everyone who uses Gaspard Ulliel, Zac Efron, Cillian Murphy, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, or Weston Coppola has no taste.
As a late Christmas present to tumblr fandom, I combed through message boards of all types to collect the funniest crackpot theories I could find. Most of these are *admitted* crackpot theories, so it’s all in good fun. May contain spoilers.
• Pyat Pree and Euron are the same person.
• Varys is Taena Merryweather in disguise.
• Coldhands is Rickard Stark. He’s all black from being cooked in his armor.
• The Harpy is Strong Belwas.
• Euron Greyjoy, the Morrigen brothers, Lyn Corbray, Tytos Blackwood, and Mors “Crowfood” Umber are Bloodraven in disguise.
• Wex Pyke is a Faceless Man.
• Ilyn Payne is Domeric Bolton in disguise.
• Bethany Fair-Fingers is Bethany Ryswell-Bolton in disguise.
• Hot Pie is the Great Other.
• Coldhands is a robot.
• Ser Pounce is the Lion of Night.
• Varys is several children standing on each other’s shoulders.
• Symeon Star Eyes was an Other.
• Melara Hetherspoon was Cersei’s imaginary friend
• Howland Reed is Mance Rayder.
• Quaithe is the ghost of Nissa Nissa.
• Coldhands is Aegon V.
Read more …
I sure hope the woman who wrote a Mary Sue fic about Gregor Clegane writes a romantic epic about Rorge next. Though, that would be a betrayal cos everyone KNOWS that Biter is his one true love. Maybe Vargo Hoat then? Or Shagwell?
Caution: Don’t try this at home! Best read with this as a soundtrack.
- “Catelyn is my favorite character.”
- “Sansa is my favorite character.”
- “Melisandre is my favorite character.”
- “Cersei is my favorite character.”
- “Lysa is my favorite character.”
- “Ygritte is my favorite character.”
- “Sam is my favorite character.”
- “Brienne is my favorite character.”
- “Penny is my favorite character.”
- “UnCat is the better than all your faves.”
- “I hope Lady Stoneheart matches north and pushes Jon off the Wall.”
- “I hope Dany roasts Tyrion alive over a spit. Then, she gives his head to Cersei and they rule over an enlightened matriarchy together.”
- “I hope Cersei orders Jaime to be beaten to death with his golden hand.”
- “I hope Tyrion finds Tysha and she stabs him to death in revenge.”
- “I hope Lady Stoneheart strangles Littlefinger.”
- “I hope Lollys kills Bronn.”
- “I want Sam to confront his father in the privy with a crossbow.”
- “Bronn really isn’t that cool.”
- “Syrio Forel flat-out sucks.”
- “The Freys really aren’t that bad.”
- “Daario and Darkstar are SO cool!”
- “Randyll Tarly’s constant need to lord it over women suggests he’s suffering from castration anxiety.”
- “For that matter, the same goes for most of the male characters.”
- “Who the fuck cares who would win in a fight?”
- “There’s not nearly enough description in the books. I think Martin should be more like Charles Dickens and Victor Hugo.”
- “Eddard Stark is an obvious rip-off of Edward Cullen: they have the same name, are very cold, and are associated with wolves.”
- “Requires Hate is a great blog!”
- “Terry Goodkind is a much better writer than any fantasy author ever, including Martin.”
- “Why are our admins so touchy?”
- “Why do we need 30+ threads about L+R=J, anyway?”
- “Fanfiction is awesome!”